THE DIARY: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR SPEAKS OUT....2

If you haven't read the first part of this blood curdling experience of this woman in the hands of her monster husband, you can read it HERE........
Continue to read today's continuation her accounts.

By that time, blood was everywhere. And the mask came on.... Where is or are the bloody teeth?  I searched for them...The lucky ones were still in my mouth...though quite loose... But the mask is on I needed to find the other one... Try to put it back.... Damn ...What do I tell them at work tomorrow?  How do I explain this one like the others? At least with the others...clumsy me was always falling down the stairs..... And other likewise stories..... This one, No makeover could help so I just needed to find the tooth and quickly fix it back..... And try to smile or laugh it over, Damn the mask again...

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Let me start from the beginning. It was a very brief but intense relationship. He did everything right. Was loving was respectful, Charmed the socks off everybody and till today will tell everyone 'I love my wife' and so it started...

The first time was in London... We had gone shopping for our wedding and then came the choice of wedding rings.... We argued over it... We had budgeted about £250 for our rings suddenly he insisted on us buying a £25 set of rings.... And I just didn't get it because we both had a common purse for such things.  In anger he gave me a resounding slap on the streets of London and walked off.  
I was dazed. Walked a few miles without realizing it and ended up at my chief bride’s maids place. Told her and in her analytical way of doing things she asked me to cancel the wedding. I thought of the BIG PARTY my parents had planned, THE INVITATIONS that had gone out THE BIG introduction (over 1000 people) came for that alone and just couldn't 'SHAME' my parents. He came back later that night wept profusely and begged me and asked me to forgive him that it will never happen again and I DID


By the time we got married (13 -01-87), we started our bitter sweet relationship. I learnt to understand and know his likes and dislikes. (Sometimes his likes will suddenly become dislike and vice versa) and like a school girl I learnt to know what trips him off and what does not. He loved his pounded yam POUNDED (by me). Hated most of my friends so I devised ways of them not visiting (when they did visit he was the best husband. Showing off, telling them the last money he gave me... Etc) didn't like my family. According to him we are all spoilt. Liked my hair a particular way ONLY, ALL THE TIME. Generally had an exactness that I dared not question

I remember the first major beating. Funny enough I can't really remember what I did. I was by then about 5 months pregnant and just as suddenly as the quarrel started it quickly escalated and this time he went further. After slaps and kicks all aimed at my face, tummy etc, he just went into a rage and started punching me. I found the first exit on time and ran out of the house or was he the one that just slammed the door and left me? my face swells up quickly.

At least I now know that so I just took a walk as always to the lagoon front. I don’t know how I got there or when but the lagoon front always waited for me and it was there that I felt the first set of cramps…labour...at 5 months. Was I afraid? No. Something else had taken over. An inner strength just came over me and I walked again from lagoon front to my aunt at Akoka (a location in Lagos). She took one look at me and rushed me to the hospital.

I was in premature labour. Everyone came to the hospital ....My parents ...My friends...etc.... My parents asked the Dr. to do everything possible to save me and the baby. I was in an induced sleep state all dreamlike but quite calm and serene. A very good place to be. I felt safe then amidst all the chaos, HE rushed to my side pretending to kiss me and then whispers....

PLEASE DON'T TELL A SOUL THAT I BEAT YOU...

Yes, I kept quiet.

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LAGOON FRONT (3/12/2000)

What is this life all about anyway? It's easy for some, difficult for some and either way for others. Where will it all ends anyway? 6 feet that’s all and when I'm gone what will be my achievements. I struggled, tried it all. All I have ever done is TRY TO PLEASE SOMEONE, in the end while pleasing and pleasing and striving to be the best wife, I have lost it all.

Who am I? My old self that I knew: carefree, loving, fun loving, trusting…All lost... All gone...It's never been the same since that November month so many years ago.

All I know lord is that you are still my best friend... I just can't seem to find any other friend... I have searched all these years amongst my friends, my husband, my parents.... None yet Lord, except you...and my girls. With you I am not afraid... You do not bear me.... My dad started it all...I thought I had escaped all those years of abuse... And then from one trap I entered another one…Worse than the first.

Nag nag nag...Beat beat beat...Slaps, abuses, curses....from one trap I entered into a lifelong one...I live each year hoping that it will end. That maybe if I try harder I will be a better wife. Through it all, I have lost myself and the years are passing by.

I'm still waiting to hear from you O Lord. You said you will tell me when it's time to move on. When Lord? I'm falling more and more into the trap. I'm enslaved as it is. Help me to regain my focus O Lord. Help me to rediscover myself Lord. The confident bold intelligent Kay. Who still thinks that the sky is the limit. I still want to touch the stars. I know my capabilities. Help me to rediscover myself and Lord, please be my best friend. Even

If I lose everything, I don't want to lose you.

Hold me cuddle me, Talk to me, Listen when no one listens, Comfort and wipe my tears, Help me to forget all the abuse I have gone through. Help me to rediscover myself.

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I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF

Today God has given me an unexpected miracle. I came back to alpha beach (A beach resort in Lagos, Nigeria) today. I came back to where I was a year ago. I came to meet my ALPHA, my OMEGA... my friend my lover, my husband, my confidant...I came back with joy.... I came back to remember where I was last year in order to appreciate where I have been, and where I am now..... I bless you Alpha, my soul.... The depth of my being blesses you my Alpha... I praise you and I thank you.

I came last year in sorrow. I came to you Alpha in tears.  I was here in despair. You were my last bus stop.  I needed to be with you. I wanted to come to you.  I wanted to escape.  To eternity where you assured me no pain, no sorrow, no tears.  I got to alpha beach and I guess you led me here... You wanted to reveal yourself to me.... What an irony... You led me to You.... You led me to alpha beach.....and you are the Alpha... The beginning of all things... You led me to where you started it all....when you created heaven and earth your word says... You then separated the earth and the sea. I came to the sea.... I wanted to use the sea as a vehicle to come to you.

I wanted to kill myself.....
You knew Alpha.... You alone in this whole world knew my thoughts...you knew what I wanted to do, then you brought me here....Oh the memories... I cried, I sobbed, I wailed....then I started running.... The final race into the sea.... I wanted so much to touch you... I needed to have you in me forever...... Then I poured my heart to you ....alpha... Things had not changed then... Things were getting worse... I was getting more and more into debts... People assumed that my husband was a very rich man so I should not lack.... I was living like a pauper in the midst of so much.... I was being defrauded left right and center... And to cap it all the abuse didn't go.... It never seemed to end.... New days brought new problems, but never a solution....

I was desperate to die....alpha ... But you brought me back.... You in your most loving manner gave me a knock on the head.... I hit my knee on a big boulder.... In the middle of the sea it’s you...alpha just like a parent gently tapping his child... You gave me a knock and sent me back..... I watched the blood oozing from the cut...below my knee. And only then did I realize how far into the sea I had walked......

Thank you Alpha....thank you for your love and protection... Thank you for cocooning me and telling me that all will be well...

That's why I am back today... I just wanted to hug you once more and say...... Well!!!!! It's been an eventful year...... I needed to come back to alpha to tell Alpha all that He had done for me... I'm here Lord to tell you that all is well... I'm alive and let me jist you about the events of this past year;

After I left, I went back to work. Esther had a dream where she saw robbers attacking me... We fasted and prayed and forgot about it.... I still went home in fear, woke up in fear.... Why? HE was getting more and more abusive....lately he will wake me up at 2am to curse me, tell me off etc...

Then on my 40th I woke up fully depressed... No stars shone, no fireworks nothing.... No presents..... From the one I felt loved me.... Even if he hated me that much, he couldn't even give me a hug... I expected lots of hugs and kisses and yes some lovemaking...you know to commemorate the day.... But nothing....nadah....no show.......The silence was deafening......hey!....it's my birthday......dear, ain't you giving me a hug and a kiss..... Well!!!! I got a present Alpha.... I got words, words, nagging....yak yak..... A little curse here and there all laced with a tinge of sarcasm laced with some bitterness...... I shouldn't have asked at all.... I got up to the bathroom and wept...

July wasn't an eventful month.....August WAS!!! On the 6th my shop was attacked by armed robbers....it was horrible...they left a note threatening to come back to kill me and whoosh I hit an all-time low.... Wasn't sure of where I was going anymore...I just existed...But I kept coming back here to touch you and see if perhaps it’s time to JUMP into the sea...You kept turning me back Alpha...Your word kept me alive.... Your love became more intense... You began to jealously guard me like the apple of your eye.... You held me up on a solid rock... In the lots and lots of lonely nights that came during that year, you became my constant bed companion... You became my lover.

I missed having sex with my husband because he perfected the art of using it as a punishment. He 'gave' me when it suited him, and withdrew such favors for as long as he felt like. He constantly used it as an instrument of abuse.....it became a whip....Yet....you Alpha became my lover ....you satisfied my lonely heart.... I needed a friend to talk to and you were there for me..... Not one moment did you leave me though I didn't know it then, but you were preparing me for the now and the afterwards.
The debts grew and I began to lose sleep, peace eluded me...I too perfected the art of doing things my own way....borrowed from Peter to pay Paul..... I became impatient with you darling...Then, You folded your arms and watched me...Never too far away though....oh you wonderful father and friend..... I know now that you did not leave me.... Because each time I screamed out loud for help.....you, darling friend will come running...reminds me of sunshine playing round the house but knowing that her mum is within reach. She acts like she doesn't need me and then one big scream and I'm there. Sometimes her scream will bring all the adults running to her and it’s just a cockroach (I assume Sunshine is the name of the writer daughter) ....Alpha.....my problems were not problems.... I now realize that they were cockroaches. You told me there is no problem too big that you cannot solve. You told me not to fret because with you nothing is impossible....

Then by Oct, Nov, Dec. I began to know you.... I began to understand the ALPHA I met at alpha beach ...and I came back in December just to be sure that I was rid of the ghosts of the past.


watch out for the next part...
Domestic violence is real!!! if you are in an abusive relationship, get help fast and get out, while you still have life.