THE DIARY: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR SPEAKS OUT....3

If you haven't read the first part of this blood curdling experience of this woman in the hands of her monster husband, you can read PART 1 HERE, and PART 2 HERE........


Continue to read today's continuation her accounts.


The new dawn came in January...I looked around and found no one... I searched for help and found none.... I had knocked on so many doors. My knuckles were bleeding spiritually.... Then just one last time... I looked at your face... I looked UP... (There was nowhere else to look anyway) -all the other places had become dark.... So I looked UP AND saw your mighty arms....carrying me...AGAIN!!!! Oh no...... The footsteps became that of one person alone....YOU...Alpha...carried me...and I slept off.... Knowing just as sunshine will know when she falls asleep in my arms ...that she is safe...
You lifted me up in that January and I know you did....because I felt the lift...and even as I slept off In your arms you began to do some BIIIIG THINGS......YOU shut some doors, opened some, sent and surrounded me with angels . And then you began to protect me from the violent man.... The violence was now an almost daily affair.... The rejection had become total... The Hatred had become so intense...I could slice it with a knife...yet in the midst of it all you gave me reasons to smile... You shared private jokes with me, kept me company....you did not allow me to be lonely anymore....

So whilst there was rejection YOU came and made me feel like a queen... And in the midst of the abusive relationship and the violent situation at home, I began to glow... You had secret conversations with me, choose my clothes dressed me up in the mornings and gave me a reason to wake up WITH HOPE...

THANK YOU ALPHA.

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What exactly is domestic violence? Do we really understand what the deep meaning is? It goes beyond slapping beating etc. I want us all to look this up through this woman's story Annie kaszina. Maybe some of the questions raised in this forum will be addressed


For our information all of us that have contributed one way or the other to this diary let me tell you today that Domestic violence is in the increase in Nigeria and the greatest challenge facing it is lack of data to back this up. We all know someone or have been victims or have probably read about the extreme cases in the dailies. It assails our senses and imaginations..... Some of us are thinking.... How could women or men as the case maybe allow themselves go into so much suffering. No one born of a woman deliberately goes into such a relationship. We all found ourselves victims. And our traditions don't make our case the better.... There are so many women going through this abuse SILENTLY.... I call them THE SILENT MAJORITY.... They like me, form the critical mass of abuse and are dying inside daily.

Why do I say this? You see most of the abuse cases you read about fall within the low income bracket.... Why? The average Iya Mulika will shout EGBA MI OH... As soon as BABA MULIKA raises his hands to beat her and when the case gets too bad she goes to Project Alert and she gets help.... I went to project alert once...and I was told that the facility was set up for women around that income bracket who can't help themselves at all. That people like me... Well sorry but because we are financially able... Then we should be able to help ourselves. And there lies the problem....

The thousands of women living in comfort... In good homes, who want to leave but can't even think of it.....One of the women I know gets a first class ticket to go see the doctor when she gets bruised and bloodied.... And her husband tells her there is nowhere in the world that she can hide. I was told when I finally left to always watch my back.... That 'he will always be there' that he has people watching my every move.... So people like me (I left) suffer in silence and the data is not available because no one is talking....

I kept a diary.... Why? There was no one to talk to.... My pastor asked me to SUBMIT.... Every time I went in tears to church I did not find help.... I found religion.... Religion crucified Jesus.... And at some point I was the subject of a message....!!!!! WOMEN WHO DON'T SUBMIT I moved on when I was told by a Pastors wife that quite a lot of them are abused daily and they are in a worse situation because they then watch the same man minister at the pulpit... All they told me is SUBMIT. ... Ask any woman in an abusive relationship.... The one thing she knows how to do best is SUBMIT who born you that you dare talk back.... So God knows we have submitted...... Humbled ourselves to even below ground zero.....

The police..... The first and only time I went to the police.... The DPO.... Took one look at me.... After reading my statement and bearing down at me through his glasses looked at me and said.... "You these Nigeria women.... What else do you want....? No wonder you are a lawyer... I sure say your mouth Na him put you for all these trouble..... You must be a stubborn woman". Then he turned to his audience.... A room full of men and said.... "I must buy a present for my wife today oh..... Upon how much I beat her she just dey endure... She no be like this woman wey de report her husband cho cho cho". The men egoistic and sarcastically all nodded in agreement.... I wished the ground could open and swallow me..... But I dug in and insisted that the case be incidented.... That's me oh. A lawyer... What of those who dare not because the man has contacts and eyes everywhere....

The most important thing is that we educate ourselves and our children.... I choose not to keep quiet again at least let someone out there read this and learn. Let the men read this and see that some attitudes are not palatable at all they are repugnant... Let women learn and know the symptoms to look out for.... And above all let the SILENT MAJORITY the SILENT MASKS.... Know that they are not alone..... That we feel what they feel...

After the birth of my 1st child, things returned to normal... Love laughter and all... We had very good days and extremely bad ones.... I was a law school student, mother and wife, so I had helps come and go... The physical abuse had reduced to manageable levels... Spending 5months in the hospital after the beating was not funny and he made sure he was so devoted no one knew... We became a happy family.... Our flat became center of activities in the social scene...

He was and still is quite popular and social... We entertained frequently and on my part I learnt to kiss ass... I learnt that when we had friends over, he will be watching my every move discretely... I learnt to read his eye movements, discussions....  learnt to understand the warning signals... When I stepped out of line he will wake me up in the middle of the night to critique my day...... My dress, cooking or whatever he hated about the day and gradually it became almost a daily affair.... In the mornings (he was in between jobs at this time, and my dad paid me a salary equivalent throughout law school) he will look at me as I dressed up and somehow started insinuating that I had boyfriend ...

Some mornings I had to change my outfit 3 times just to look less pretty.... It became a regular morning pattern..... Me dressing up, he looking and asking me why this.... Why that.... Why lip-gloss... Why hair..... This is in spite of strict principles on dress ethics by law school....yet,

When I "argued" as he always says... I got the prerequisite beating to put me in my place....by then I gradually became so defensive that I began to shout on everybody... My mechanic... My help.... I could be calm one minute and suddenly if I so much think that I'm about to be taken advantage of... I will just become dictatorial......bossy... Assertive as if my whole life depended on that one victory...... One day my sister asked me.... "Sister....kilonshele si yin... Is everything okay"... I couldn't tell her........

I can’t describe my feelings after each beating... but i learnt to cover it up.... I learnt the art of looking pretty whilst bearing so much pain...my acting skills in the university took over....my alter ego always took over... As soon as he finished either the slaps or beatings, I learnt to start the MASKING process... First the ice... Then suddenly one day in the market I got a lovely small knife... No I think it came with a knife set.... It suddenly dawned on me that ....yes I can't beat him but I can defend myself.... and.... Because I knew HE always jumped at me at very unpredictable times...I started to keep the knife under my pillow... Waiting for the next beating... I prayed every night that he will never discover it... So I made sure I got into bed before him. (No spare rooms so don’t ask why I didn't sleep there)

Then one morning I got up again to get dressed for school.....Then he started again..... Nag nag.... This fault ...This issue..... You are stupid..... Dumb..... You should count yourself lucky I married you.... On and on...and I kept on apologizing.... (You learn to say sorry even when you have no clue of the accusations)... And he knew I was looking to escape and just run out of the house... Then he escalated and started speaking very fast, escalating to curses.

This time I just wanted to leave the room.... As I made to leave he grabbed me, spun me round and the slaps began... I got up calmly wiped my cheeks and told him not to hit me again.... Yes I dared to warn him... He didn't take it nicely... Me talking back....ha!!!!! By the time the first punch landed on my face, I knew school's out for that day... Then I suddenly realized that he had punched me right into my side of the bed.... In blind panic, I grabbed my knife and just started slashing him everywhere..... (That knife was not sharp)..... But suddenly he saw blood..... Ha!!! Yepa!!!! Sacrilege......

At that point I, KAY..... FLIPPED..... Where the strength came from... I don't know.... I just kept lunging at him ready to do and undo... Then he started screaming ........EGBA MI OH!!!!! YE!!!!! ARA ADUGBO.... KAY HAS KILLED ME! I at that moment calmly locked the door to our room, threw the key down from the Window. l (we were on the 3rd floor) of a block of flats. l then I tore my clothes threw them out and told him that ....today.... No one will come out alive..... We fought..... Or was it that he wrestled the knife from me... Then each of us retreated into a corner, sizing ourselves up like wounded lions.... He was bleeding and I was detached from it all....

I had disengaged mentally and in any case had thrown the key away. He started shouting for the neighbours who ended up opening the door....of course some of our neighbours called my relatives..... And it was on that day that my parents got to know my ordeal in his hands.


watch out for the next part...
Domestic violence is real!!! if you are in an abusive relationship, PLEASE get help fast and get out, while you still have life.